LA LA Land – non-spoilers


I love giving spoilers for movies and TV shows but I don’t have a huge amount of time on my hands to watch them. I’ve not actually seen LA LA Land as yet, but here are my spoilers based on what I think the plot might be like.

Ryan Gosling has a shower scene where he discovers that one of his abs wants to go solo. The ab sings a song about how it’s tired of being defined by the others. There is a lot of wordplay in the song.

The narrative takes a turn when evil genius Katarina (played by Idina Menzel) drowns in her own voice. This causes the plot to de-rail and never quite recover, despite Ryan Gosling’s abs.

The LA traffic and the resulting pollution end up causing severe asthma issues for all the characters and so all of them hire a dancing clam as a helper.

There is a huge group musical number performed entirely by clams.

The main love story is mainly performed by Eddie and Stacey. Both of them are clams.

Ryan Gosling’s remaining five abs get eaten by clams and there is a desperate clamour for them to be regurgitated quickly. There is wordplay in this scene.

The ab that went solo comes back to fight for its five ab-mates and a renegade clam helps free them.

There is a musical group clam-vomiting scene.

At the end of the movie the camera pulls back and we discover that we weren’t in Hollywood after all. The entire movie is set in the aquarium at a local seafood restaurant in Florida.